Well, well my temporary vegan resolve was seriously tested last night. I went over to a friends (who will herein be referred to as Mr Meat, the antithesis of the March trial) and while he sat beaming wearing this..
another friend taught us that with the right ingredients my favourite cocktail ever can be vegan: The mighty Old Fashioned.
We omitted the bitters (until we're sure), used the divine Sazerac Rye and a big chunk of orange peel. The final answer is then in the sugar.. La Perruche appears to be straight up sugar cane, without a single burnt bone in sight. Delicious!
A vegan old fashioned = a happy, drunk vegan.
The problem I then had was getting home after 1am, raging with hunger from having missed dinner and with no idea what a good vegan might do. Obviously there was the option of going to bed, however that was never likely to be my way. Instead I ploughed straight into the vegan legal toast just without the butter. I started out with the soya butter alternative. Do me a favour, that stuff is so sick. It's like spreading Savlon on toast. Is there meant to be a flavour? If so, WHY ISN'T IT BUTTER FLAVOUR?! Having given my illegal peanut butter away I sought solace in it's cousin Tahini, but oh my my that stuff is just fucking disgusting. I got the really dark brown one and it's even worse than I remember. Bitter, weird, a terrifying kind of water-gloop and just horrible. I then tried it with some Coconut Oil on the bread first. Slightly better yet still rancid. It was only combining it with the marmalade that made it bearable, primarily as I couldn't taste it!
The point of this is that when a vegan says things like, 'don't worry, there are loads of good alternatives to butter', THEY CLEARLY DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. THERE ARE NOT. BUTTER IS A DIVINE AND IRREPLACEABLE PLEASURE AND ANY OF THESE 'ALTERNATIVES' THE MILTANTS SPEAK OF ARE QUITE FRANKLY, OFFENSIVE. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN COPE WITH THIS ONE.
In my desperation I think I won the trial of willpower and lost the day's vegan trial with my marmalade!
NB: I had a whole new packet of 100% BONAFIDE DELICIOUSLY SALTY FRENCH BUTTER in the cupboard having bought it mere days before deciding upon VEGAN FUCKING MARCH.
PS.
